PART THREE

FADE IN FROM COMMERCIALS.

PAN on the crowd, then on the stage. The people cheer and the jazz band plays the show’s third main theme.

There is something different from the previous parts: the armchairs have been moved and a large playing table has been set in the exact centre of the stage. A table with a computer screen and two distinct stations, intended for two players facing each other. Dakota and Haley Joel are standing by the table; the little girl has a small stand under her feet to raise her to Haley’s eye level.

Enter Harry Jennings.

(Cheer from the crowd.)

HARRY: Welcome to the third part of The Private Life of Hollywood Youngsters! We promised games and surprises and this is what we’re going to give. Dakota, Haley: thanks for joining us in the last part of our show.

DAKOTA: Welcome.

HALEY JOEL: It’s a pleasure.

HARRY: Fine, then. This game we have called Dare the Truth. While based on the Truth or Dare rules we all know, it has several intriguing variants. The goal is to trick your adversary, making him believe the most blatant lies you can tell. Let’s make an example: Haley is the player and Dakota is the adversary. Haley asks a question: the more personal, the better; the more hot and spicy, the better. Dakota gives her answer: but is it the truth or not? It’s up to Haley to determine that: if he trusts her and she has lied, Dakota earns a point; if he understands that she was lying, Haley earns one. Of course, one possible strategy could be to tell the truth, but in that case risks are higher: if Haley states that Dakota is telling the truth and she is, he will gain not one but two points, but also vice-versa: if he states she is lying but she is telling the truth, she will win the two points. So, as it is clear, in this game telling the truth pays off only if it is so exaggerate that it sounds like a lie. In the end, you win only if you are skilful and able to discern whether your adversary is lying or not. Truths must be disguised as lies, and lies must feel like absolute truths.

DAKOTA: That sounds fun.

HALEY JOEL: Cool.

HARRY: It is. But, the question is: how can we know for sure the players are telling the truth or not? It’s very simple: both players are connected to our computer by this bracelet (shows a Velcro wrist-bracelet with an optic cable attached), which will constantly monitor heartbeat, blood pressure and nerve activity. Consider it a Truth Machine, although a very rough one. But it will do just fine. Haley, Dakota: you had been explained the whole regulation before you came here. Any more questions?

HALEY JOEL: No.

DAKOTA: No, thanks.

HARRY: Good. First of all, let us prepare.

Helped by studio assistants, Dakota and Haley tie the bracelets to their wrists. Harry turns on the computer and a nice, colourful animated character shows up on the big screen facing the crowd. He looks like a headmaster with a cane in his hand, but has a sympathetic face with white beard and a Santa-like expression.

HARRY: This is Mr. Flogmaster. Hi, Floggy.

MR. FLOGMASTER: G’night, Harry. Anything interesting for me to do?

Haley shakes his head, slightly amused but nothing more, while Dakota looks at the screen in bewilderment.

HARRY: Not yet, Floggy. But I have two players here.

MR. FLOGMASTER: Ah, players! That’s good, isn’t it?

HARRY: It depends. Would you please finish explaining the regulation to our guests and to the crowd?

MR. FLOGMASTER: Sure thing, Harry. Listen up: I expertise in telling if you’re telling the truth or not. When you tell a lie, I know it. That’s the only way to make sure the game is fair, don’t you think? Imagine this: Dakota says the truth and Haley guesses it right. So Dakota loses one point and Haley earns one, and this is something Dakota doesn’t like; so she lies about it, and says: "oops, I was telling a lie, you didn’t guess". That’s what I’m here for.

HARRY: Keep it up, Floggy: there’s much more to it.

MR. FLOGMASTER: Oh, yes. Adults’ quizzes award money and prizes, but with me the only prize is an un-spanked bottom. Am I making myself clear?

(Some noise in the crowds: comments, talking, some cheers and some laughter.)

MR. FLOGMASTER: Three rounds will be played, each consisting of one question each, plus one question from Harry to avoid an even, if necessary. In the end, the player with the highest score will salute the crowd and leave the studios, while the other... will get a spanking!

(More noise in the crowd: some more cheering.)

MR. FLOGMASTER: Oh, c’mon! We still are on TV after all, so the spanking will not be on the bare. And it will not be today: tomorrow’s show will see today’s loser get their "reward", so to speak, and there will be a procedure we are explaining tomorrow. Is everything clear, my dears?

DAKOTA: Hmm-hmm.

HALEY JOEL: Perfectly.

(The kids are not surprised nor shocked: as Harry reminded the watchers, both of them had been told the full regulation – including "the procedure" – before signing the contract to appear in the show.)

HARRY: Then it’s all set. Let’s dim the lights and start our first round of Dare the Truth!

Lights go down. Two spotlights are directed on Dakota and Haley, and one more on Harry, who stands between the two facing the crowd. Mr. Flogmaster’s animated figure sits on a chair and waits, tapping the tip of the cane on his open palm.

HARRY: The draw has established that Haley is our first player. So, Haley: ask your first question.

HALEY JOEL: Yeah. (To Dakota:) What is the most embarrassing situation you ever found yourself in? The one time you’d like to disappear and be six feet underground?

DAKOTA: Well... (She thinks.) Yeah, I think I got it. There’s an abandoned house near my home, and I and my friend were throwing very small rocks at the windows, just for fun. We didn’t think they would break, but one did and we flew. Two days later some friends of mom and dad’s came to dinner, and eventually talked about how their windows had been vandalised. I sank in my chair and thought I was going to die! No one ever found out, but I knew it and I felt so bad... God, I would spank myself if I had the wits!

(Laughter.)

HARRY: That’s quite a tale, but has it ever happened? Haley, what do you think? Is Dakota lying or is she telling the truth?

Haley is thoughtful. He studies the expression on Dakota’s face, but as an experienced actress the little girl is impassable: she just stares back at him totally expressionless. She appears to have learned the game pretty quick.

HALEY: I think she is lying.

HARRY: Dakota?

DAKOTA (disappointed:) I was lying.

HARRY: Mr. Flogmaster?

MR. FLOGMASTER: Miss Fanning’s heartbeat increased considerably and her pressure raised; also, a dilatation in her veins and pupils showed tension and a sense of guilt. She was lying, Harry.

(Cheers from the crowd.)

HARRY: One for Haley Joel! Congratulations, it’s the first score in our show. It looks like your lie wasn’t very convincing, Dakota.

DAKOTA (shrugging:) I’ll do better next time.

HARRY: Good, that’s the right attitude. But be careful: now you’re one step closer to the loss. Your turn now.

DAKOTA: Yes. Haley, did you ever tell on a friend who’d been trusting you?

HALEY JOEL: Yes, I did.

DAKOTA: Hmm...

Absolute silence while Dakota thinks hard.

DAKOTA: It’s true.

HALEY JOEL: Damn.

HARRY: Mr. Flogmaster?

MR. FLOGMASTER: Mister Osment was telling the truth.

(Cheers from the crowd.)

HARRY: And that’s a full two points for Dakota! That was quite a risk, Haley. As of now, two questions and two guesses, but since Haley has "dared the truth" and his play was uncovered, Dakota has two points and he has one. Next turn. Go, Haley.

HALEY JOEL: What’s your least favourite position for a spanking?

HARRY: Now, that’s spicy! Just as we want them: hot and spicy. Dakota, what’s your answer?

DAKOTA (blushing a little:) Well, I guess it’s the diapering position.

HARRY: Haley?

HALEY JOEL (without hesitation:) True: everyone hates that.

DAKOTA (triumphant:) But not as much as the "touch-your-toes" one!

HALEY JOEL: Oh, God...

HARRY: Wait, kids, wait. Mr. Flogmaster?

MR. FLOGMASTER: Miss Fanning was lying.

DAKOTA: Whoa!

HARRY: Another point for Dakota, then. Halfway through the second round – and therefore halfway through the game – standings are as follows: Dakota 3, Haley 1. Dakota has been lying twice and is getting away with it, but in this game this will guarantee her a sound victory. Come on, boy, you can do better than that.

HALEY JOEL: I know, I know...

HARRY: Dakota, your turn.

DAKOTA: Yep. How far did you go with a girl?

HARRY: Come on, that’s not a question I like to hear from an eight year old!

DAKOTA: And a half!

HARRY: And a half, yes.

HALEY JOEL: What do you know, anyways?

DAKOTA: All there is to know.

(Intense laughter from the crowd, some cheering.)

HARRY: Okay, okay. This doesn’t matter for the game. Haley, what’s your answer?

HALEY JOEL: God, this is private... er... (He is thoughtful.) French kiss.

HARRY: Dakota?

DAKOTA: He’s lying.

HALEY JOEL: No, it was the truth!

HARRY: Mr. Flogmaster?

MR. FLOGMASTER: Mr. Osment has told the truth.

HARRY: Two points for Haley and now they’re even!

(Cheers.)

DAKOTA: Who was that?

HALEY JOEL: You really think I’m going to tell you?

DAKOTA: Well, I didn’t think he would kiss a French girl anyway.

(Lots of laughter from the crowd, and also from Harry. Dakota looks surprised.)

HARRY: That’s not exactly what it means, sweetheart.

DAKOTA: Oops...

HARRY: Well, I told you this was mined ground. But now it’s our last round and it’s up to Haley to ask his question.

HALEY JOEL: Yes. She’s been looking for this for quite a while now: Dakota, how far have you gone with a boy?

(More laughter.)

HARRY: Now, this is getting eerie...

DAKOTA (laughing:) It’s nothing I can’t handle, Harry! Nowhere. No kisses, French or not.

(Laughter.)

HALEY JOEL: That sounds right for an eight-year-old. Truth.

HARRY: Mr. Flogmaster?

MR. FLOGMASTER: Miss Fanning was lying.

DAKOTA: Whoa!

HARRY: That’s quite amazing.

DAKOTA: In Sweet Home Alabama. You don’t watch my movies, do you?

HALEY JOEL: Should I?

DAKOTA: It would win you the game.

(Laughter. Cheers.)

HARRY: You see, ladies and gentlemen? Not only is our game funny, but it also turns the players inside out. Interviews can be prepared and rehearsed, but this is the real thing. And now Dakota leads the game 4 to 3, with only one question to the end.

DAKOTA: That’s cool...

HARRY: But as I said, there is one more question to go, and it’s Dakota’s. Now, Haley: you can choose to lie and play to get even, or you can tell the truth and hope she doesn’t believe you, in that case you win. What will Haley do? We shall know soon. Dakota, your question.

DAKOTA: Yeah... My question is: Haley, have you ever spanked someone?

HARRY: That’s a very smart inquiry. Haley.

Haley thinks. He looks downward and doesn’t reveal a thing. He could be a good poker player.

HALEY JOEL: Yes. I have spanked my sister Emily on two occasions.

HARRY: And that’s a smart answer. Dakota: what do you say? The result of this competition depends on your judgement.

DAKOTA: Gee, I could never spank my sister Elle... Aha, but the point is: did he spank his sister?

HARRY: That’s right. You need to guess that. Come on.

DAKOTA: No, he thought too much about it. It was a lie.

HARRY: Mr. Flogmaster?

MR. FLOGMASTER: Mr. Osment has told the truth.

HALEY JOEL: Whoa!

DAKOTA: What?!

HARRY: Unbelievable! Haley turns the tables at the very last question and wins the game!

(Winning music from the jazz band. The crowd screams and cheers loudly.)

DAKOTA: That’s wicked. Why did you spank her?

HALEY JOEL: It was just a game. Playing house, did you never do that?

DAKOTA: Oh, gosh... (She takes her head in her hands and shakes it.)

HARRY: Amazing, ladies and gentlemen. As you see, Dakota has been lying on all of her three answers, while Haley has told the truth in all of his. It was the wiser conduct against the riskier, and this time the riskier has proved to be the best. But it will not always be like that: the good in this game is that it changes with the players, the questions, the answers, the states of mind, the situation... it will never be the same again!

(Cheers.)

HARRY: And so, our first show comes to an end. What do you have to say, Mr. Flogmaster?

MR. FLOGMASTER: I’d like to say I enjoyed the game and I’d like to thank the players. Especially miss Fanning, who will be here tomorrow for her punishment.

DAKOTA: Silly me!

HARRY: That’s just right, Mr. Flogmaster. We will see Dakota on the second show before the first interview. As of now, that’s all folks. The Private Life of Hollywood Youngsters will be back tomorrow, same time, same network. Amazing guests coming up. Thank you, Dakota.

DAKOTA: You’re welcome... I guess.

HARRY: Thank you, Haley.

HALEY JOEL: It’s always a pleasure. (Winks at Dakota, who sticks out her tongue.)

HARRY: And that’s really it for tonight. Good night everyone from your Harry Jennings.

The crowd cheers. Camera PANs back from the stage as Harry and the contenders shake hands. They all slowly…

FADE TO BLACK.

THE END

This story does not necessarily represent the author’s point of view about anything. It is simply a work of fiction. The characters herein portrayed are invented and do not resemble reality to the best of the author’s knowledge. This account is entirely fictitious. Any similarities to other persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.

This story is written for the sane amusement of adult readers. It does not intend harm and does not promote violence of any kind, including spanking. No offence is meant to any group, ethnicity or individuals. In particular no offence is meant to Dakota Fanning and Haley Joel Osment!

The author does in no way endorse the non-consensual disciplinary spanking of actual children and/or teenagers.

Copyright © 2004 Haley Brimley. Contact for information and/or feedback.