PAN on the studio. It is fairly large, with shiny blue floor, colourful lights and windows on Chicago’s tall buildings. It is not a paint or a picture: it is the real thing. On the right, a jazz band is ready to play; on the left, the host and the guests’ entrance, in form of a four feet tall small golden door much like Alice in Wonderland’s; in the centre stand two armchairs and a small round table in between. Approximately five hundred people sit in the stands facing the stage. Cameras everywhere. Cables, technicians, stage directors and assistants.

ANNOUNCER (pompous, in arena-style): And now, please welcome the man whose DNA is being used as an aberration example from the Chicago University... Mister Harry Jennings!

Enter Harry Jennings: a very handsome man in his mid-thirties, young but with a fiery look in his eyes. Loud cheers from everyone. The band plays the show’s main theme with trumpets and piano as Harry salutes the crowd.

HARRY: Hi and welcome to The Private Life of Hollywood Youngsters! Actually they took my DNA without permission, I guess that’s a violation of the network’s privacy policies.

(Laughter.)

HARRY: No, really. I agreed. But I want it back when they’re through with it.

(Laughter.)

HARRY: Welcome to our show’s first night. I’m pleased to introduce the Chicago Downtown Jazz Bandstand!

(Loud cheers).

HARRY: Our director Mike Newall, our author – that’s me! – our assistant directors, our stage co-ordinators, our makeup artists and costume designers... I’d like to thank everyone for making this possible.

(Cheers.)

HARRY: We will be interviewing young talents from all over the Hollywood stardom and even more. Their hopes, their fears, their role models, their deepest secrets, including romance life if they ever know what it is and their punishment tales. Conversation, games and many surprises coming up. And since this is one great show, we have chosen to start with a great guest. But first: have you seen Swordfish when it came out? It has been argued that "Hollywood makes crap", but it just isn’t so with young actors and actresses. There are kids whose acting skills are amazing despite their age, and sometimes they can do better than most of the adults. So, we have a very special guest for you tonight: one of the hottest child actresses around these days; ladies and gentlemen, please welcome miss Dakota Fanning!

(Entry music.)

Enter Dakota. 125cm tall, cropped blond hair, a bright smile, petite in size. She wears a blue shirt, a white wool sweater and a white-and-blue skirt ending just above the knees. White pantyhose, blue sport shoes. She waves at the cheering crowd as she walks in.

HARRY: Welcome.

DAKOTA: Hello!

Dakota and Harry sit on the armchairs.

HARRY: So...

DAKOTA: So...

HARRY: You happy to be our first guest?

DAKOTA: Wow... I can’t believe it!

HARRY: Neither do I, I’m very happy to have you here. First of all: I need you to know this that chat may be about private arguments. Are you ready to face those?

DAKOTA: Yeah, sure. I’ve got nothing to hide.

HARRY: Very good. (Hushed:) And you signed a ten-thousand bucks contract...

(Laughter from everyone, including Dakota and Harry).

HARRY: Just kidding. Did you have a pleasant journey, Dakota?

DAKOTA: Yeah, thanks.

HARRY: Afraid of the plane, are you?

DAKOTA: No, not at all. I sorta was a couple of years ago, but not anymore, no.

HARRY: Oh I see. And that’s probably because this little girl of eight... eight, right?

DAKOTA: And a half.

HARRY: And a half, sorry! (Laughter.) This child has travelled so much despite her young age, attending the sets of five major motion pictures and several television shows, am I right?

DAKOTA: Yes. Thank you.

HARRY: Just your share. You were nominated last year for I Am Sam, weren’t you?

DAKOTA: Yes, it was the Screen Actors Guild Awards. They told me it’s sort of a club you have to join if you want to act, and they give these awards every year. I was happy!

HARRY: I can imagine that. That’s because you were nominated along with the adults; actresses whose age is four or five times yours, isn’t it?

DAKOTA: Oh gosh, it was so cool!

HARRY: And you lost out to...

DAKOTA:... I lost out to Jennifer Connelly. Well, I mean, I haven’t seen her movie because they say I’m too young, but she is so beautiful and I’m flattered I lost out to her.

HARRY: Flattered?

DAKOTA: They taught me that! (Laughs.)

(Cheers and laughter from crowd.)

HARRY: Oh my, kids these days... As you may have noticed, Dakota isn’t your standard eight-and-a-half year old girl. She can speak like an adult, she acts like an adult, she’s smart as many adults and even much more.

DAKOTA (blushing): Thanks.

HARRY: But...

DAKOTA (blushing deeper): Oh no...

HARRY: Oh yes! But, she still IS a child after all, aren’t you?

DAKOTA: I guess so.

HARRY: And like all children, sometimes she misbehaves.

DAKOTA: I guess I do.

HARRY: And like all children who misbehave, she is punished.

DAKOTA: Now Harry, I don’t like where this is going!

(Loud cheers and laughter.)

HARRY: Neither do I, Dakota, but after all that’s what we’re here for. The Private Life of Hollywood Youngsters focuses on the most intriguing, peculiar and in-depth aspects of the movie business celebrities, and since you are indeed one of them you’ve been invited to share your private life with us.

DAKOTA: That’s cool... I guess.

HARRY: Oh it is. It is SO cool.

(Dakota hangs her head down, faking disappointment and embarrassment. Then smiles brightly, claps hands along with the crowd and re-arranges her hair.)

HARRY (pointing at the crowd): We talk about...

CROWD: Spanking!

(Spanking Good Time music: the 20^th Century Fox theme followed by a slap and a brief "ouch!")

HARRY: It’s Spanking Good Time here at The Private Life of Hollywood Youngsters. Miss Dakota Fanning, are you spanked?

DAKOTA (shyly): Yes, I am.

HARRY: Very appropriate! "Spanking does the bunny good", don’t they say so? And, exactly, how are you spanked?

DAKOTA: I get spanked by my mom and dad when I’m a bad girl.

HARRY: Oh, don’t be so severe with yourself: I’m sure you are never bad. Such a nice girl can’t ever be bad. It’s just that sometimes you need correction and guidance, and that’s what your parents are there for. Now, kindly tell us: what kind of offences are you usually spanked for?

DAKOTA: Well, mom hates it when I use bad language.

HARRY: And you know some bad language?

DAKOTA: Well, sort of... you know, when on the set people talk nasty sometimes.

HARRY: Not to you, I hope.

DAKOTA: Oh no, never!

HARRY: Of course: who could ever? Please, go ahead. Is it there you learn the bad words?

DAKOTA: Yeah, I do. But I don’t use them. Well, er... sometimes I do, and that’s why my mom punishes me.

HARRY: Does this happen very often?

DAKOTA: No, not at all. I have been spanked for bad language only three times.

HARRY: Well, since you’re eight-and-a-half, that’s a pretty good record, indeed. When I was your age I’d have gotten at least a dozen: I was more experienced than Martin Lawrence at talking nasty.

(Cheers and laughter. Dakota cheers too and looks a little relieved.)

HARRY: And what else?

DAKOTA: Er... disobedience, back talking, not doing what I’m told, not doing my room. These things. The usual, I guess.

HARRY: Well, they sure don’t spank you for bad acting!

(Loud cheers from everyone.)

DAKOTA: No, that hasn’t happened! But I’m sure it’ll never happen: mom and dad are very supportive when I act.

HARRY: I’m sure, I’m sure. Now, Dakota: statistics show that the most common reason for kids to be spanked in the USA is still the old, famed "bad report card". Have you ever been spanked for bad grades?

DAKOTA: Yes, I have twice.

HARRY: Was it hard?

DAKOTA: Not the hardest, but yes. Dad gave it to me good at bedtime, with his hand, and mom spanked me again in the morning with her hairbrush.

HARRY: Wow, that’s something. What were your grades?

DAKOTA: I had got two C’s.

HARRY: C’s? I’d have gotten a hug and a kiss for a C!

(Laughter.)

HARRY: So you’re a straight-A student, huh?

DAKOTA: Yup!

HARRY: I’d have gotten a Ferrari for an A!

(Intense laughter.)

HARRY: But I guess I was nothing like this kid. Is it true you learned to read at age two?

DAKOTA: Yes, definitely.

HARRY: And now?

DAKOTA: Now I can read every book, also the ones for the grownups. Not that I like them, anyway.

HARRY: You read what? Harry Potter? Madeline? Kiddie stuff?

DAKOTA: Yeah, kiddie stuff. But I don’t like the way you’re saying it! It makes kiddie stuff look stupid!

(Laughter.)

HARRY (amused): Oops! The lesson is: "never argue with Dakota Fanning, for she’s always one step ahead of you".

(Laughter.)

HARRY: Well, I must confess this joke had been arranged behind the scenes. Our authors told Dakota to say so, and that’s a good thing: I’m sure sassiness is not tolerated in your family, is it? Can you be sassy and get away with it?

DAKOTA: No way!

HARRY: Well, that’s good. Is spanking the punishment for sassiness, too?

DAKOTA: You know, spanking is the thing for everything. I get spanked for every offence, but if it’s a very light offence I get a very very very light spanking.

HARRY: Such as?

DAKOTA: Er... well, yesterday I forgot to tell mom that a friend of hers had phoned. I’d picked up and then forgot to tell mom. Then her friend called back and the thing came out, and mom said I should be more careful in the future and maybe take a note.

HARRY: And then what?

DAKOTA: Then she spanked me. She gave me three whacks on my jeans.

HARRY: That’s what I call a love pat.

DAKOTA: Yeah, it was nothing, really.

HARRY: Hush! If your mom is watching, she may feel the need to reinforce the lesson!

(Laughter.)

HARRY: The lesson is: "always pretend it is hurting more than it really is". On the other hand, experienced parents know perfectly well how many swats to apply and how hard and just won’t care if you’re silent or screaming for dear life.

DAKOTA: I guess mine are like that.

HARRY: I’m sure they are. Well, we talked about your lightest spanking: let’s speak of the hardest, would you?

DAKOTA: Yeah, it was... er... two months ago, maybe.

HARRY: Were you shooting a picture?

DAKOTA: No, it was free time. No contract.

HARRY: I see. Tell us.

DAKOTA: Well, you know... I told mom I would look after Elle, and...

HARRY: Elle is your younger sister, is she?

DAKOTA: Yeah, she’s four years old.

HARRY: Please, continue.

DAKOTA: So, I was sorta babysitting her while mom was out shopping. There’s a supermarket just one block from our house, so it would take her ten minutes and she didn’t wanna call a baby-sitter for just ten minutes. So we were alone and Elle was colouring her scrapbook, but there was a TV program I really liked. The Amanda Show, you like that?

HARRY: It’s on our network, isn’t it?

DAKOTA: Yes.

HARRY: Then I love it.

(Intense laughter from everyone. The orchestra plays the attacco from Beethoven’s fifth in a jazzy style.)

DAKOTA: Well, it was so funny I forgot about Elle. Mom came back and saw she was still colouring... but she was colouring the sofa.

HARRY: Oops.

DAKOTA: Yeah, "oops". That’s what I said.

(Laughter.)

DAKOTA: But mom would have nothing of that. She yelled at me bad, then took Elle to the bathroom to wash her, ‘cuz she’d spilled paint all over herself as well. I heard she was scolding her and I also heard some slaps. Later Elle told me she got it, but not hard.

HARRY: Your mom thought it was your responsibility, didn’t she?

DAKOTA: Yes, she did.

HARRY: It’s always like that for elder siblings. Luckily I’m the lastborn.

(Laughter.)

DAKOTA: Well, I’m firstborn. And in fact I got the worse that evening.

HARRY: This is very interesting. Please, continue.

DAKOTA: Well, after she was through with my sister she came to my room. I could tell she was angry. She told me: "Can’t I just leave the two of you for ten minutes? Why in the world didn’t you watch your sister?". I told I got distracted just for a couple of minutes, but she wouldn’t have that. "Were you watching TV, Dakota?". I said: "Well, yes...". And she said: "That’s it! No TV for one week, and now wait for me here!"

HARRY: Uh-oh.

DAKOTA: Uh-oh. Er... she came back some ten minutes later with the hairbrush in her hand. I started to protest but she was very firm and sat on my bed and ordered me to come closer. I could do nothing, and so I obeyed. She bent me over her knees and started spanking me with her hand.

HARRY: What were you wearing?

DAKOTA: Er... I guess it was the same as I’m wearing now. Another skirt, maybe, and without the wool jacket, but sorta the same.

HARRY: Did she raise your skirt?

DAKOTA: Yes, because I had pantyhose. If I wear pantyhose she starts to spank me over those.

HARRY: And if you don’t...?

DAKOTA: She’ll start over skirt or jeans. Or shorts, of pyjama pants. Whatever!

HARRY: I see. Go on.

DAKOTA: So she spanked me about ten or fifteen times, not very hard but they were stinging.

HARRY: Did you cry?

DAKOTA: Oh yes. Even before the spanking, I was so scared!

HARRY: And after this warm-up handspanking?

DAKOTA: After that she said I was being punished for being irresponsible. She said: "I’m not angry, Dakota, and I hate to do this, but you need to understand that when you’re told to do something you do it, period." And so she took down my pantyhose and my... er... you know...

HARRY: You can say it, don’t worry. You’re among friends.

DAKOTA (embarrassed): Yeah. She took down my underwear. My panties, I mean.

HARRY: Are all of your spankings on the bare bottom? I mean, the hard spankings.

DAKOTA: You bet! They start on the clothes, mostly, but I end up half naked and I hate that!

HARRY: Who wouldn’t? Continue.

DAKOTA: Well, after this I don’t remember much. I just know that I was bent over her knees, with my head on the bed and my legs off the floor. After she had cleared my bottom of everything she picked up the hairbrush and spanked me so HARD I thought I would die there and then!

HARRY: But of course you didn’t.

DAKOTA: No, but that’s what I felt. It hurt SO much, and she just kept spanking on and on with that nasty hairbrush. At first I felt she was alternating cheeks like she always does, and that she was spanking me on the thighs as well. But then it was all numb and I didn’t know where she hit... I just knew that she hit!

HARRY: How long did it last?

DAKOTA: Well, that’s the fun part: mom said it lasted less than two minutes. She said she’s given me not more than 40 swats, but I can tell you it felt like a million!

HARRY: Wow. Forty swats after a handspanking is quite hard for an eight-year-old.

DAKOTA: It’s never like that. I told you: this was the hardest of ‘em all.

HARRY: It was, indeed... Well, did it do what it was supposed to do?

DAKOTA: You mean... sting?

(Laughter.)

HARRY: Yeah, also that. But I mean: did you learn your lesson?

DAKOTA: I guess so: I was never spanked again for the same thing.

HARRY: And this is exactly what spankings are for, ladies and gentlemen. Even a smart, cool, mature young lady like Dakota Fanning knows that. She knows many things, that’s for granted, and now we know that some of them she has learned the hard way, didn’t you?

DAKOTA (blushing): Oh yes.

HARRY: Good. Ladies and gentlemen, I will see all of you after our first commercial. As for you, Dakota, thank you very much for being the first to attend our show and share your spanking experiences with us!

DAKOTA: Thank you, Harry!

HARRY: Ladies and gents, please salute miss Dakota Fanning!

(Loud cheers.)

Dakota shakes hands with Harry and turns away. And as she walks towards the exit, Harry eventually smacks her behind. She turns around, surprised, and laughs with a hand on her mouth.

HARRY (to the crowd): Just a little reminder, you know. We will be back with the young and talented mister Haley Joel Osment. See you in a few"

FADE TO COMMERCIALS.

END OF PART ONE

This story does not necessarily represent the author’s point of view about anything. It is simply a work of fiction. The characters herein portrayed are invented and do not resemble reality to the best of the author’s knowledge. This account is entirely fictitious. Any similarities to other persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.

This story is written for the sane amusement of adult readers. It does not intend harm and does not promote violence of any kind, including spanking. No offence is meant to any group, ethnicity or individuals. In particular no offence is meant to Dakota Fanning!

The author does in no way endorse the non-consensual disciplinary spanking of actual children and/or teenagers.

Copyright © 2004 Haley Brimley. Contact for information and/or feedback.